This picture is the one that I have on my Facebook page. It was taken just this past weekend at the park. People tell me I don't look fat. Of course not, that shirt I am wearing? XXL in mens. It hides the fat well. Those jeans...well they are the only pair of jeans that fit me. And they are maternity jeans. (and I am not pregnant) Of course I don't look fat. I hide it well.
This picture was taken this past summer, at a family picnic. See, that is what I really look like when I am not hiding behind too baggy clothes. But, until recently, even that picture didn't kick my butt into gear. Because I hid behind the baggy clothes. Because I never wore jeans. I had myself convinced that I was not fat.
In that picture, I had a problem. I was battling food adddiction, albeit poorly. But I refused to see it. I refused to admit it. I still remember what I ate that day. 3 Veggie burgers, a ton of chips and dip, desserts, and pop. Lots and lots of pop. Then I followed it up with leftover birthday cake when we got home that night. I didn't care.
I can honestly tell you that everytime I devoured a bag of chocolates, ordered the large nachoes with extra sour cream and salsa, the Brownie Earthquake at DQ, I didnt care what the effects of eating that food, repeatedly, was doing to me. Sure, I felt guilty after the fact. But it never stopped me.
I used to smile when someone would tell me that I didn't look fat. Because it meant that I was hiding it well.
I used to be ashamed of pictures like the above, but i know now that those pictures are tools that I want to use to inspire others and let them know, you are not alone.