There have been days when I dared people to tell me I couldn't do this, just so I could say "watch me". I could see in their eyes that they didn't believe in me. I could hear it in their voices. They thought that they were hurting me. But, instead they only served to fuel that fire.
I stand here today, a new person. Different then who I was when I started this blog. Just a few months ago, I felt like I was a failure. Relationships that meant the world to me were crumbling. I felt I had nothing of worth to offer anybody.
And yet, here I stand.
Today, just 24 hours after standing on the scale and crying tears of joy that I left the 190's behind, I am now crying again. They are happy tears. They are overwhelmed tears. They are "holy shit" tears. Because today, I hit a milestone that I never expected to hit.
Today I have officially lost 50 pounds.
I am crying. Still. It is the BEST feeling in the world. 50 is such a huge number. It signals to me, and to all the nay-sayers, that I am serious about this. That I am done being the fat girl. That I am done overeating. Emotional eating. That my days of compulsive overeating and binge eating are done. That this is my time. This shows the world that it can be done. That you don't need to starve yourself or take diet pills. That you can lose weight with hardwork, determination, and awareness. That you can fix what is broken.
I don't feel broken anymore. I know that I still have a ways to go. There is still 25 more pounds to be lost. And races to be run. But I don't feel broken. I don't feel like I can't. I don't feel I destined for failure.
I can do this. I am doing this. If I can do this, if I can battle a food addiction, overeating, binge eating, emotional eating, if I can silence the fat girl...anyone can.
You just have to take that first step...
50 pounds gone. A whole new life ahead of me.
(Special and heartfelt thanks go out to my trainer, Luke. I could not have done this without him. He has kicked my ass. There have been days I wanted to say screw it all, and he kept me on track. This has been an amazing journey. And I am so blessed to be able to share it with a trainer like Luke, and all the friends who have stood by me and cheered me on. Thank you. All of you. And it isn't over yet.)