Tuesday, December 7, 2010

So, what happens now?

via google images
Yesterday was a big day for me. After spending the last 5 or so years bouncing around in the 200's, I officially left the 200's behind, weighing it at 199.4. I won't lie, I cried when I read the numbers on the scale. I weighed and re-weighed again. My brain wouldn't let me believe what my eyes were seeing. The last time I saw a number on the scale that was less then 200 was in October 2005. I weighed in at 190 pounds then. My ultimate goal? 160 pounds. A number I hadn't seen since the birth of my son 8 1/2 years ago.

I was slightly overwhelmed last night. I never expected to see that number. Even though I had told Luke that I wanted to be less then 200 before Christmas. (As I will be seeing family that I haven't seen since the day that before picture was taken). I didn't believe in myself. It's something I am working on. I am lucky though, because I have been blessed with a trainer who forces me to believe in myself. And he believes in me. He is probably one of the few people in my life who haven't written me off. I know that I wouldn't have been able to get this far without his help.

So, what happens now? Does this change the game at all? Not in the least. Because I still haven't fixed what is broken. And I know that. I know that I still have a long ways to go both physically and emotionally in this journey. My fat girl is still ever present. In fact, this morning she is stomping around saying "You will never stay below 200". She is making me doubt myself. And I hate that.

I still have a lot of work to do. I am still 39 pounds away from my ultimate goal weight. But, the doubt that I had in the beginning? It is becoming less and less. I am starting to believe in me. I am starting to believe that I really can change.

36 down, 39 to go!

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