I am going to be okay

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This whole weight loss and food addiction thing has left me feeling sorta...neurotic. Not that I wasn't before. But this has been over the top. Like way over the top. I never imagined that I would freak out at the thought of a possible setback. I never used to care. As a friend pointed out, that is the change. The fact that I care. The fact that I feel like I have let myself down. Because I realize what I am doing. It all starts with awareness. And I am aware. (Sometimes I wish I wasn't so aware though)

I am going to be okay. There are always going to be days like today. Maybe not in the eating-like-shit sense. But in the sense that I have to face a setback. And I have to learn to deal with the setbacks and change course if need be.

"No one said it would be easy. They just promised it would be worth it." (I wish I could remember the person who said this.)

I won't lie. I spent quite a few hours feeling like I failed. Then I looked at myself in the mirror. I could see the fat girl trying to break though to my surface "Look at you. You have no will power. You suck." And you know what? I told her to shut up. Every single piece of clothing that I was wearing was XL. Not XXL. I did "normal" pushups with the trainer the other day. I weigh less than I have in over five years! If I was a failure, would I have accomplished any of those things? Nope. And I know that.

At the end of the day, what was done can be undone. I am going to be okay. As long as I am aware, I will always be okay.