Monday, December 27, 2010

Sometimes the road less traveled is that way for a reason

via Google Images
I came to a conclusion tonight. I don't know how to be me. Well, the me now. I know how to be fat. I know how to comfort myself with all the unhealthy foods one could want. I know how to live that life. I lived it for years. But this life? Not so much. I am standing so far outside of my comfort zone that it's scary. Tonight, I even entertained a brief notion of throwing in the towel. Luckily, it was a fleeting thought. But it was still one that I had.

I know how to be fat. I don't know how to be this new me. I am walking a path that I have never walked before. And while I have support of people that have walked this path, I haven't done it. To me, this is all unknown.

Don't get me wrong, I am proud of who I am now. My confidence has increased 100-fold. But, change is hard. No matter how positive it is. It is still change. This still requires me to step out of my comfort zone every day. I can't afford to remain in my comfort zone for too long. I have to keep moving forward. But, there are days, like today, that moving forward seems impossible.

Fear is what drove me to start this journey. Fear of dying before I got to see my kids grow up. Fear of being sick and unable to enjoy life as I was meant to enjoy it. Fear of not being the person that I knew I could be. Fear is what drives me now. But it isn't fear of not being enough. It is a fear of the unknown.

But, it isn't easy. Today I felt like I was back at square one. I didn't feel it. The spark that I had, the fire that I had within me had become less today. I knew there would be days like this. But, I wasn't prepared to hit that wall so soon.

But, as the saying goes Sometimes the best path is one you make yourself.

So, I keep going. Keep moving forward. I don't know where this path will lead me. But, I do know that it will only get better.

The road less traveled is that way for a reason. Because it's hard. It changes daily. Sometimes, the road less traveled is the only way to go.

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