Today I did my usual arguing with myself before lacing up my shoes and grabbing my iPod and heading to the gym. I wasn't feeling the greatest and knew that a workout could potentially make me feel worse. But, still I went.
I have been going the the gym long enough now, that I am considered a "regular". The staff knows me and regularly compliments me on my progress. Some of the other members know me and stop to chat and see how this journey is going. I like it. I like that I am making changes and that they are visible to other people.
What I don't like is the people who don't seem to possess on iota of tact. Especially the really skinny, really athletic girl on the treadmill next to me today.
She asks me how much weight I have lost. I tell her "As of today I have lost 54 pounds" She asks me how long I have been doing it, I tell her 3 or 4 months but most of it has been during the last 2 months. She looks at me and tells me "Well, as fast as you lose it is as fast as it comes back. And you seem like the kind of person who will gain it back easy. But, nice try." I. Kid. You. Not. I don't even know this girl. All I know is she planted a seed of doubt that has since grown into an amazon rainforest of self doubting.
Is it true? Am I really destined to gain this back? Am I just kidding myself by thinking that I can really pull this off? And of course, while I am doubting myself (again...I can see my trainer beating his head against his desk right about now) my fat girl is running in circles saying "haha I was right. You will never stay this way." I have tried to brush it off. Some people seriously have no tact. But it wasn't just that. This girl said what had been eating away at my resolve for some time now. Even before today, I have been arguing with myself. I am scared of gaining the weight back. Scared of looking like I did in my before picture. And to have someone else say what I was thinking scared me. Because what if she is right?
So, tonight I am working on overcoming my self doubt before I sabotage myself. I am removing my rainforest of doubt...One tree at a time