Monday, November 29, 2010

Perpetually Fat No More

Yesterday marked one month since I had my brutal wake up call and started working with my trainer, Luke. During the past month I had to face the dreaded halloween candy and a Thanksgiving meal X 2. When I first started this journey, I did not expect success. I have lost (and gained) the same 10 pounds (and usually gained more) over and over. I had resigned myself to living a life that was unhealthy.

A month ago, I couldn't look at myself in the mirror. It made me ill. Luke forced me to stare that fat girl down day in and day out. He made me tell her "goodbye." Slowly, but surely, the fat girl has retreated. Sure, she still is quite loud at times,  but now, I can look at myself in the mirror and see ME. The me I am supposed to be. The me that I want to be. I am not ashamed anymore.

For the first time in forever, I bought new clothes and cut and colored my hair. When I look at myself in the mirror, I don't see the "perpetual fat girl". I see someone who has overcame, and continues to overcome, what used to appear as insurmountable obstacles. A month ago, I had no confidence. I felt that I had nothing of worth to contribute.

Today I discovered that over the course of the last month, I have lost 10 1/2 inches overall off of my body. With the biggest loss coming from my hips. 10 1/2!  That is 10 1/2 more than I ever expected to lose. I  have lost 18 pounds while working with Luke this past month. I am 5 pounds away from leaving the 200's behind forever. It has been 4 years since I could say that I weighed less than 200 pounds.

This road hasn't been an easy one, and it only promises to get tougher as time goes on. But it is one that I am glad that I took. My life is better now because I chose to take that first step towards reigning in my weight and battling my food addiction.

The 2011 Chicago Marathon is in October (with as many 5 and 10ks as i can run before then)...and the finish line has my name on it.

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