Tuesday, November 23, 2010

I want to quit

There, I said it. I want to quit. I woke up this morning with my muscles begging for mercy. Merely lifting my arms is uncomfortable. And I am tired. More than tired, I am exhausted. I have stepped it up, big time, in antcipation of the holidays and the fact that I am so close to my first goal. I want it. I can taste it. Yet, I still want to quit.

I don't want to measure my food anymore. I don't want to count my calories. I don't want to have limit my consumption of all the holiday goodness. I don't want to have to forgo the Pecan Pie that I love so much. I. Just. Don't. Want. To.

I should quit. Yes, you heard me right, I should. Because that is who I am was. I don't like pain. I miss my Dairy Queen. And do you realize, that the Mcrib is currently at Mcdonalds? One of my all-time favorite fast food sandwiches ever. And I not have had a single sandwich. Not one. I constantly doubt myself too.

But, I won't quit. More than that, I can't. Giving up now would mean throwing away all of the hard work and dedication that I have put into this. Giving up now would mean telling Luke, sorry,but all those hours you spent with me were wasted. It would mean going back to the way I was before. Overweight. Slowly killing myself with food.

I can't quit. I owe it not only to everybody that has stood beside me and cheered me one and my family. But I owe it to me. I owe it to myself. To stick this out, no matter how tough it may be.

I think that as I have ventured further in this journey, things have gotten harder. I have had to push myself harder everytime I work with Luke, each time I step foot into the gym. I am hard on myself too. If I can't lift a certain weight or feel like I fall short of Luke's expectations, I am dissappointed in myself. I know I shouldn't be. I should celebrate being able to lift weights at all, do the crunches, do the treadmill. I should celebrate the strides that I have made.

So, yes, I want to quit. There are times I think I should quit. But, I won't quit.

"Pain is only temporary. Quitting is forever"~Lance Armstrong

No comments:

Post a Comment