Tuesday, June 26, 2012

How Did I Get Here

318. I can still remember that day clearly. I can remember those numbers on the scale mocking me "Look at what you have become." I don't think I will ever forget that day. I don't think I want to. Because looking back at that day reminds me of what I went through to get here. And how far I have come, even when I have still so far to go.

Rock bottom for me was knowing that I wasn't leaving a good legacy behind for my children. I was terrified that my kids, my daughter especially, would grow up with a skewed body image. I was afraid that, in an attempt to not be like her mom, she would develop eating disorders. It wasn't not being able to walk up stairs or tie my shoes. It was knowing that I was teaching my kids some very dangerous habits.

Everything in my life was falling apart. If I touched it, it crumbled. My marriage. My relationship with my kids. My self-image. Everything. Depression wasted no time sinking it's sharp talons into me. And soon, I became a prisoner in a self-created prison. Too scared and too weak to make an escape. I had accepted my fate. I had resigned myself to living a much shorter life, in a constant state of depression. I was fat. I was overweight. I was morbidly obese. And I was dying.

I reached out to a personal trainer, Luke, as a last ditch attempt at saving my life. Something had to change. And fast. I knew that I wanted to live. But, I didn't know how to live.

I always tell people that Luke didn't just change my life, he saved it. Even today, two years after our first meeting, he is still there for me. Our friendship extends beyond the gym and it crosses state lines. And for that, I am grateful.

When I first started working out, I hated having to stand in front of those mirrors. It made me sick. Why would I want to look at that fat girl? Soon, though, I discovered that, with each rep, each time I looked her in the eyes, I was slowly pushing her further away. I discovered that over time, her nagging voice, while not silent, was quieter. Even now, she's mouthy as hell, but most of the time, I can't hear her.

I worked hard. Everyday was a constant battle. There were so many days that I didn't want to eat right or workout. Somedays, I cried because I just couldn't do it anymore. It was too hard.

Each day, it got a little easier, and I felt a little better. Soon, I found myself craving my workouts. And before I knew it, Fitness had become my passion. More than that, helping people became my passion.

I became a Personal Trainer last year. I also am a Childhood Obesity Specialist, Weight Loss Coach, and Nutritionist.

I am lucky. I managed to find a way to climb out of the depression that surrounded me. I know that it's not always easy. But, it can be done. If you want it bad enough, it will be done.

To date, I have lost 106 pound and still counting. I am currently training to be a figure competitor next year. If I can do this....anyone can

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